The FF7 MST Compendium
by Aoi Shoudou
Summary: Join a few members of the FF6 cast as they read through some fanfiction. Fun times for all!


The FF7 MST Compendium

Chapter 1

Notes: This MST uses a few of my favorite members of the Final Fantasy 6 cast.

A long, long time ago, I used to do Final Fantasy MSTs for this site. They were mean- spirited, repetitive and probably as bad as the fics themselves. With this iteration, I'd like to think that the humor is more gentle ribbing at the characters of the game itself, rather than being mean to the author. If the author happens to read this and objects to it being here, I ask him to please tell me so and I will gladly remove it.

Also, I'd like to say that it's really great to see that people still write so prolifically, and that creative writing in any form is really encouraging. Don't give up on what makes you happy!

* * *

- A New Ally

Terra: A new Mary Sue!  
Sabin: A new excuse to want to kill myself!

- Cloud and the others were on their way to the new contient. All of them were dress up as Shinra Gurads.

Mog: Guys, can we just suspend the grammatical errors for this one fanfic? It would be too easy.  
Terra: Fine. Unless it's just begging for it.

- ( Besides Barret, he was in a salior costume.) Cloud walk up to Tifa to talk to her about a plan,But Tifa ask him somthing before he could speak, Does this suit make me look fat?

Relm: No, your surrealistic tits make you look fat.  
Terra: Relm, that's not a nice word. Say "bosom" instead.  
Relm: Never.  
Terra: Fine.

- Suddleny The emerceny bell rung.

Mog (loudspeaker) : Fat girl on board! Man your battle stations!  
Terra (as Tifa) : Hey!

- And Cloud and the others got undress as fast as they can.

Sabin: You know, because wearing a disguise would be the worst possible thing they could do at that point.  
Mog: Pre- mortem orgy?

- Before they can see what was going on, a Shinra Guard appeared. "Hey Spikey, leave this punk to me." said Barret.

Relm: When did Barret ever call Cloud "Spikey?"  
Terra: When did the FF7 crew ever get naked in the face of an "emerceny?"  
Relm: Touché.

- But before he shot, the Shinra Guard took of his helmet. He had long blond hair, he had deep sea blue eyes, and on his right eye, a scar was there.

Sabin: Hey, the Mary Suedar is making really funny noises.  
Mog: I think he broke it already.

- "Hey, you guys aren't Shinra Guards either?" ask the boy. Cloud responed, "No, we hate Shinra"

Terra (as Cloud) : Look, here's our team's entire modus operandi for you, random boy!  
Relm: We didn't go around yelling "LOL EMPIRE SUX", did we, guys?  
Sabin: You were never in the party, how would you know?  
Relm: Hey! At least I don't get outdone in my own special ability by an androgynous circus tent!  
Sabin: That's because no one uses your special ability since it sucks.  
Terra: Okay, kids, time to stop.

- The boy had a surprised look on his face.

All: D:

- " I hate them to, but i hate Sephiroth the most"

-Cloud look at the boy, and asked him, "Why don't you join us i mean we need help."

Mog (as Cloud): Even though you demonstrate no special talents, legitimate reason for joining the party, or compelling reason to be a character, hop on board!  
Relm: It didn't stop Yuffie or Cait Sith.

- Yuffie got mad at that. "But, we don't need another pearson as a ally!"

Sabin: Oh, okay, Miss "I'm Coming With You To Dupe You Out of Your Materia And Make You Do A Shitty Sidequest."

- Aeris than made a comment, "I think its a great idea, lets take a vote, who wants him to come with us?"

Mog: aeris 4 prez  
Relm: Hey guys, I've got a joke. How does Aeris prepare her chicken?  
Terra: How?  
Relm: Aeris fries. Hahahaha!  
Terra: I don't get it.  
Relm: It rhymes with "Aeris dies".  
Terra: …Relm, that's not funny.  
Relm: Philistine. You don't appreciate art.

- Every one besides Yuffie rasied their hand. "Well its settled, whats your name?" asked Tifa.  
- "Hiro." said the boy.

Sabin: Hi generic Japanese name.  
Mog: Hi Japanese boy with blonde hair and blue eyes.  
Relm: Hi Mary Sue.

- "How old are you kid?' ask Barret. "Im 17." said Hiro.

Terra: Well, at least he's the median age for Final Fantasy characters.  
Sabin: Yeah, even you were 18 at the time of FF6.  
Terra: I'm naturally amazing, though. What does this kid have? A goofy Japanese name and a scar?

- "Hiro, what kind of weapon do you wield?" asked Cloud. Hiro then pulled out a sword. "Swords"

Relm: Thanks for clarifying. I was really hoping they'd come across a Toaster specialist, though.

- "Well we have a new ally guys, so now lets go see whats up." said Cloud

"Ok so, who wants to come with me?" asked Hiro. "Yuffie and I will." said Aeris. Yuffie looked like she was going to kill Aeris. Aeris just smiled.

Mog: Aeris is a whore.  
Sabin: Kind of a far cry from the innocent flower girl of times past.

- Hiro looked at Yuffie, yet Yuffie looked away.

Why does she hate me? thought Hiro.  
Terra: She's a projection of the audience's feelings?

- Well who cares, she'll get over it. Cloud went with Tifa,Barret,and Red XIII. While Hiro went with Aeris and Yuffie. Who knows what happens next.

Relm: I'll guess. Hiro is revealed to have some elaborate backstory tying in with Yuffie, the group happens upon Sephiroth, Hiro says some really sassy things and then they kill him. End fic!

- End of Chapter 1

- This is my first story so i hope you like it!

Sabin: Yeah, well, put hope in one hand and shit in the other and see which fills up fastest.

- A New Ally Chp.2

- Hiro, Aeris, and Yuffie walked into the cargo room. "Woah! They need to clean this place up." said Hiro. Aeris agreed, "Why do they even put stuff in here?"

Terra: Because it's a damn cargo hold?  
Mog: Aeris is a dumb whore.

- Hiro wondered what was in these wooden crates. So he opened one, weapons. Hiro opened the others. Weapons, weapons, weapons.

Sabin: It's time to not make a Brady Bunch joke.  
Relm: There's nothing wrong with Brady Bunch jokes, steroid- head!  
Sabin: Suck my dick.  
Relm: Grow one and we'll talk!  
Terra: Stop that! Sabin, don't dirty- talk to the 10 year old, and Relm, don't have oral sex out of wedlock.  
Relm: Too late.  
Terra: What?!  
Relm: Just kidding! Sheesh.  
Mog: Kids these days…

- Hiro knew that they would give these weapons to Shinra. "Who else?" Hiro mumbled.

-"Hey Hiro!" Aeris called him. "Look at this." Aeris held a little box in her hands.

Terra (as Aeris) : Here, it's the remains of all the children I've caught playing in my flowers.

- It was address to President Rufus. "Well, well, well. said Hiro. "Lets see whats in it." Hiro opened the box, and in there was materia and a letter. Hiro read the letter aloud: "To my dear friend Rufus, this is a rare materia, called "Comet", luckly I found it in Gaea Cliff. I hope you use it well. Your Loyal Servant, Hojo

Sabin: Now what was Hojo doing at Gaea Cliff?  
Relm: Working on his tan?  
Sabin: No, he'd go to Costa Del Sol for that.  
Relm: It was a joke. Playing off his paleness. …Steroid- head.  
Sabin: I'll kill you.

- "That freak." whispered Hiro. "Did you say something Hiro?" asked Aeris. "No." Hiro answered.

Mog: Aeris is a dumb deaf whore.  
Terra: I like Aeris! I can relate.  
Relm: Wanna hear another Aeris joke?  
Terra: No –  
Relm: What did Aeris bake the other day? Aeris pies!  
Terra: Those aren't funny. They aren't even clever. Stop it.  
Relm: NEVER.

- "Wheres Yuffie?" asked Aeris. Hiro just shrugged. Then they heard a angry voice, "GET BACK HERE YOU THEIF!" Yuffie than came into the cargo room, has a whole bunch of materia in her hands, and a Shinra Elite chasing her.

Sabin: Technically, don't you spend the entire game stealing Materia from various locales?

- Yuffie hid behind Aeris. The Shinra Elite stopped, and look at Aeris and Hiro. "Well, well, well, we got 3 stowaways." said the Elite. "Wait, do I know you?" The Elite asked Aeris. "No." Aeris answered.

Mog: A New Ally: Taking gripping dialogue to unforeseen heights!  
Terra: Half of this story is people asking questions and responding "No."

- "Well I might as well kill you three anyways." said the Elite in a nasty voice. But before the Elite even touched his gun, Hiro pulled out his sword and slashed him in the face.

Terra: The Elite, now equipped with a facial scar of his own, talked with the FF7 team for thirty seconds and then joined them forever.

- "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MY FACE!" screamed the Elite in pain. Hiro put his sword away. "Don't mess with us, understand?" Hiro asked calmly.

Mog: Hiro sounds like he shops at Hot Topic.  
Sabin: HARDCORE and EDGY!

- Aeris and Yuffie mouths were dropped open. Yuffie then closed it and said, "I could of done that." Hiro walked up to Yuffie and took one materia away from her. Yuffie went berserk. "GIVE THAT MATERIA BACK YOU SON OF A..." but before she finished that sentence Aeris covered her mouth.

Relm: Oh, what wacky hijinks!

- "There, happy now?" asked Hiro. The Elite just shook his head. "Good, and you won't tell anyone that we here, understood?" asked Hiro. Again the Elite shook his head. "Good, now Come on, we have to go you two." Hiro told Aeris and Yuffie. Then they left to go see where Cloud and the others went.

Sabin: They're taking orders from the dumb scar kid who they just met not two minutes ago?  
Mog: They're women! They wouldn't know what else to do.  
Relm: Go clean yourself with your tongue.  
Terra: Hey Mog, why don't you say that to your girlfriend? OH WAIT SHE DIED IN THE WORLD OF RUIN.  
Relm: Wow, Terra, that was low even by my standards.  
Mog:(

- On the way, Aeris asked Hiro how he got so good using a sword. Hiro just anwsered, "I train alot, so i think thats why."

Sabin: Hiro plays MapleStory, so he's used to the tedious EXP- grinding.

- Aeris also asked Hiro who his parents were. Hiro than got sad and anwsered "I don't have any parents, in fact, I don't have a family."

Mog (as Hiro): I was birthed from Midgar Zolom and abandoned at the nearby farm, where Chocobos raised me to become the upstanding man I am now.

- Aeris than said " I'm so sorry. Yuffie don't you think thats sad?" Yuffie jumped, "What? Oh yea sad, whatever." Aeris got mad when Yuffie said that, "YUFFIE! SAY YOUR SORRY!" Hiro just laughed and said it was fine.

Relm (as Hiro): I just love it when callous bitches like you ignore my hackneyed plight!

- "Hey Hiro." Aeris said. "Yes?" Hiro said. Aeris than asked, "Is there a special girl in your life?" Hiro blushed and anwesred "Maybe, alright yes." "Who?" Hiro said he would tell her later.

Terra (as Aeris): No! Anwesr me now!

- Hiro thought to him self. Cloud where in the heck are you? Aeris than said " I hear Cloud fighting, from in there." Aeris pointed at a door. Hiro opened the door and saw Cloud, Tifa, Barret, and Red XIII fighting Jenova.

Mog: This story is surging with tension.  
Sabin: Does anyone else think Jenova looks like Arbok?  
Relm: …what?  
Sabin: CHHHHAAAAAHHHBOKBOKBOK!

- " We have to help!" Hiro, Aeris, and Yuffie entered the battle. Yuffie threw her boomerang at Jenova, while Barret shot her.

Terra (as Yuffie): OW!

- Cloud casted Bolt on it, while Tifa hit with her fist. Aeris healed everyone and Hiro slashed away with his sword. Hiro than said "Dang itthis is taking to long." Than he rasied his hand up in the air and yelled, "COMET!" Suddley a giant comet fell out of the sky

Relm: And ripped a massive hole from the boat, causing the entire party to sink almost immediately. Fortunately, Hiro can also swim, give CPR and administer psychological aid for trauma victims, so the group was covered.

- and hit Jenova. Jenova gave a sceram, and fell. Than Sephiroth appeared. "Well I have found you." Sephiroth said as he pointed at Hiro. "But I'll give you mercy for now." And with that, he fled.

All: …  
Mog: Terra, I don't understand.  
Terra: It's okay, dear. Come snuggle with me. It'll be over soon.  
Sabin: Actually, there are 7 more chapters.  
Mog begins crying.

- End of Chapter 2

If you are wondering what just happend. Sephiroth was talking to Hiro. Yes they do have a connection. How? Well you have to find out in the next chapter!

Relm: You HAVE to! You MUST! The power of Christ compels you!

- PLZ REVIEW!

Terra: No. Just because you used "plz." No.

- A New Ally Chp.3

Everyone started to ask Hiro how he knew Sephiroth.

Sabin: At the EXACT SAME TIME.  
Terra, Relm and Sabin: HEY HIRO HOW DO YOU KNOW SEPHIROTH HUH HUH TELL US HUH  
Mog (as Hiro): Ahhh!

- "Well, I stole one of his materias, Obilvon." said Hiro. Cloud knew what this materia can do, he has seen it with his own eyes.

Relm: It inexplicably changes verb tenses.  
Terra: Obilvon. That is a really amazing word. Let's all use it in every- day speech.

- "Hiro what did you do with it?" asked Cloud. "I hid it in a safe place." Hiro responed.

Sabin (as Hiro): In my bathroom. Mary Sues don't have bodily functions, so no one looks there.  
Mog (as Hiro): We shit eclairs and piss fruit punch!

- Everyone kept asking him to tell the story. Hiro was holding his head, trying to block out the noise. Then he had a outburst. "DARN IT SHUT UP!"

Mog: Nothing is quite as powerful as a nice solid DARN.  
Sabin: Except maybe the Obilvon materia..

- Hiro got on his knees, and said, "I'm sorry, I don't want to remenber that day." There was a minute of silence. Then Cloud spoke up, "Guys, lets get some rest, we are about there." They agreed, and everyone, besides Aeris and Cloud, went to rest.

Relm (as Cloud): Hey Aeris, wanna hear a joke?  
Terra: Oh God…  
Relm (as Cloud): What happens when a woman set to inherit a large sum of money perishes? Heiress dies!  
Terra: You're really reaching now, and it's only the third chapter.  
Relm: Shut up. These jokes are all I have.

- Aeris sat beside Hiro, who was crying, and tried to calm him down. "You don't have to remenber Hiro, it is fine." Aeris said calmly. Hiro just shook his head, "That day was a nightmare, I don't think I'll ever forget..." with those last words he fell to sleep.

Sabin: Hey, what's with all the incongruous remembering and forgetting?  
Mog: Hiro is like a memory narcoleptic.  
Sabin: With a scar and emotional issues.

- The next morning they came to Costa De Sol. Hiro was happy to be off that ship. "Hiro calm down, we have to be careful." said Cloud.

Terra (as Cloud): Now give that poor woman back her bikini!  
Relm (as Hiro): But it fits me in all the right places!

- Hiro was very happy to be off that piece of crap, now he is on a ground.

Sabin: A ground. Only one, of indeterminate size or texture. He is on a ground.

- He can hear the waves hitting the shore, the children playing, the laughing, the fun, will he ever get to live like this with her?

Mog: Jodie Foster?  
Terra: No, she's a lesbian.  
Relm: Julia Child?  
Terra: Dead.  
Sabin: Lindsay Lohan?  
Terra: …ew, why?

- Cloud waved his hand in front of Hiro's face, "Hiro? Darn itwake up!" Hiro snap out of his daydream. He then saw Cloud and Barret standing there with werid looks on their faces. "Dude we have to go!" yelled Barret.

Sabin: Barret is a man of action.  
Terra: Someone needs to make this story move.  
Mog: I'd say it's moving pretty quickly, what with the intense quarter- minute battles and a Sephiroth appearance you could blink at and miss.

- "Tifa and the others all ready left, so your stuck with us!" said Cloud. Hiro stood up and followed them.

Relm: Unfortunately, they were leading him to a sick FF7 hazing ritual with duct tape, flag poles and a Princess Guard sodomy.

- As they were walking, Hiro blurted out, "What do you guys think of Yuffie?" Barret stopped. Everyone was slient, even Hiro, then Barret said "You like her don't you?" Hiro blushed and shook his head yes. Cloud was surprised. "I want to ask her out, but I am to scared" Hiro said.

Mog: Jenova, meanwhile, is destroying the world.  
Terra: Can someone please explain how having a bitch fight with some dumb kid you've known for three minutes automatically translates into romantic fantasies?  
Relm: Ah, Mary Sue puppy love. It's the one bodily function they DO have.

- Cloud turned to Barret and said "How about we ask her out for him?" Barret looked at Hiro, who was looking at the ground. "Sure, but he owes me." Barret said.

Terra: Duuuude. Serious pedophile vibes here.  
Mog: Barret likes 'em young…and utterly flawless, save for a characteristic physical deformity.

- Hiro smiled. As they reached North Corel, they meet up with Aeris and Red XIII, who were battling a fierce enemy.

Sabin: I don't think we've heard a word from Red XIII yet.  
Terra (as Red): Hey…guys? I can still talk, you know. I'm…I'm right here.

- Hiro walked up to them, "Stand back." he said. So they did, and Hiro took it on all by himself. The creature lunged at Hiro, who dodged and slash its skin, the creature cried in agony, and fell to the ground. Cloud, Barret, and Red's mouth hang open.

Mog (as Barret): Maybe he'll go away if we drool on him.

- Hiro put his sword away and smiled.

Relm (as Hiro): Look, guys. I can do evil things.

- When they got to North Corel, people were staring at Barret. Three of them fought Barret. Hiro stood in the way, "LEAVE MY FRIEND ALONE!" and got pushed out of the way. When that was over, they went to the Golden Saucer, where they met up with Tifa and Yuffie.

All: …  
Sabin: Did the author seriously just blow over all of North Corel in three sentences?  
Terra: This is like FF7, but as one of those versions with really big print and a picture on every other page.

- Cloud looked at Hiro, who was blushing. At the entrance, there was a billborad that read: DATE NIGHT! ONLY COUPLES ARE ALOUD IN!

Mog: No Losers Allowed!

- So they got in couples. Aeris went with Red,

Terra: Christ, the author just wants us to do this now.  
Relm: You said more than I was going to.

- Tifa went with Barret, and Cloud went with Yuffie. Which left Hiro out. "It's fine, I'll be ok." When they entered Yuffie and Cloud went on a ride.

Sabin: I bet it was that really dumb one where you had to shoot a bunch of blinking strobes with your shitty laser gun.  
Mog: It was the only one that could meet Yuffie's visual stimulation needs.

- Yuffie and Cloud were talking then Cloud asked, "Yuffie?" Yuffie looked up, "Yes Cloud?"

Terra (as Cloud): Would you mind if I went out with Hiro instead?

- "Will you go out with Hiro?"

- What will Yuffie say? Who knows, Oh and a another new ally will join the party soon!

All: Noooooo!Sabin: Is he seriously throwing another OC on us?  
Terra: Will this one have a scar on the LEFT side of his face? Or deep fire-red eyes?  
Relm: Maybe he'll be a finessed Gunblade user.

- Please review this,  
Cloudrules11

The satellite door slides open. Celes comes in with a handful of soft pretzels and a tray of Jamba Juice. Her hair is neatly crimped and she's sporting a sleek new tan.  
Sabin: Whoa, Celes. You look…great!  
Celes: Thank you! I just got my stipend from the Thanks For Saving The World fund. I decided to treat myself. Who wants Jamba?  
Terra (taking a smoothie) : That's kind of you and all, but you should really leave while you can.  
Relm: You've been warned.

- A NEW ALLY CHP.4 Hiro POV

Celes: Who's Hiro?  
Mog: Scar. Deep blue eyes. Sword master.  
Celes: Mary Sue?  
Terra: Natch.  
Celes: Oh. I feel like I know him already.

- "Dang, takes them that dang long!" I was sitting there waiting for Cloud and the others.  
- "I am sooooo bored." I said.

Relm (as Hiro): So dang bored! Dang! I want some dang cotton candy! Dangggg!

- "Did someone say bored?" I looked up, some big robot thing with a cat on it's head. "Hiya! I'm Cait Sith the forutine teller!" the cat said. I stood up.  
"Can you tell what my fortune is?" I asked.

Sabin (as Cait Sith): Your fortune is…MOLESTATION.  
Celes: Is it really jailbait if it's a robot and a cat?  
Sabin: Well, I'm thinking Reeve is over 18. It's kind of like…statutory rape in spirit.  
Terra: Hiro's a Mary Sue, he's probably already been raped twice anyway.

- Cait Sith did this werid little dance and got this starp of paper and looked.

Celes: That doesn't make any sense. What's a starp? Wahhh, I'm not enjoying this.  
Terra: I warned you!

- Then read: The girl you love will reject you, yet, she will regret, then she will fall for you, and then you will live happily ever after.

Terra: Someone kick Cait Sith, I think he's stuck!  
Mog (as Cait Sith): Oh, sorry, had a brain fart for a moment there. Here's your real one. "You're going to die a really painful and silent death."

- "Yeah right, she'll say yes."

Sabin: SUBTLE IRONIC FORESHADOWING FOR ALL TO SEE.

- Cloud POV.

Relm (as Cloud): Heard screechy noises today. Whined. Overcompensated with inappropriately large sword.

- I sat there waiting for her to answer. "Yuffie will you go out with Hiro?" Yuffie just smiled. Then she finnaly spoke.

Celes (as Yuffie): You really are slow, aren't you? Is it the Mako?

- "I'll tell him the answer myself ok?" "Sure fine with me." Cloud said Why do I have a bad feeling about this. Cloud thought. After the fun rides and the awesome food,  
everyone finnaly left the Golden Saucer.

Mog: Finnaly, indeed.  
Terra: Let's see. If the two sentences we spent in Corel equate to maybe half an hour, that means that the party spent approximately two years in the Golden Saucer.  
Sabin: That's an awful lot of Battle Square!  
Celes: I bet the author spent three decades on the Mount Condor sidequest.

- At the entrance, they met up with Hiro and their new friend Cait Sith.(CS for short.)

Sabin: Counter Strike?  
Mog: Consumer Software?  
Relm: Cooch Sniffer?  
Terra: Relm!

- Yuffie went straight up to Hiro and slapped him.

- Hiro POV

Celes (as Hiro): That bitch just smacked me! Fortunately, they let me have my weapon in the Golden Saucer, so I ran her through and ate the intestines.

- A sting of pain was on my cheek. Yuffie started to scearm at me. "LIKE I WOULD GO OUT WITH A PUNK LIKE YOU! YOUR A NO GOOD FOR NOTHING THEIF!"

Relm: Did Yuffie seriously just call this guy a thief?  
Mog: Pot. Kettle. Black!

- "What did I..." But before I could ask there was another slap, even harder. "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID! YOU STOLE FROM MY FAMILY"

Terra: My name is Yuffie Kisaragi. You stole from my family. Prepare to die.  
Sabin: Princess Bride jokes are so old- hat.  
Terra: Princess Bride will never die.

- Yuffie then kneed me in the stomach, sending me to the ground. I thought for a moment, then I stood up. "I remenber now."

Celes: Does he always shrug off injury so nonchalantly?  
Relm: Hiro's been hittin' the Bowflex.

- 5 years ago.

"Tek, are you sure we should do this?" I asked.

Sabin (as Hiro): I mean, I'm only 12, all I can really do is complain. My testicles haven't even dropped yet.

- Tek just looked at me. "Duh, we need that stuff or else we might not be able to live the lives we live now." I shook my head. "But what if the town's leader finds us?" Tek shook his head as well. "Its the only way, do you got your weapon"

Mog (as Hiro): I be done got my the weapon is!

- I than took out my wooden sword.

Relm: Oh what, is he going to give them splinters?

- "Good now lets go steal the stuff." We ran to the window of the house and entered. What fools. I thought. We sneaked into a giant room where there was a whole lot of materia.

Terra: I love the architecture of this house. Room with window - - - - room with a "whole lot of Materia."  
Sabin: The Kisaragi house covers only the bare essentials.

- We took everone besides one in the statue. Then we heard a voice, "STOP YOU THEVIES!" And there stood a girl, near my age with a boomerang.

Celes (as Hiro): Hey, back off my age with that thing, someone could get hurt.

- Tek smirked "Hiro take care of this." I took out my sword and lunged at the girl. She was quick and strong, but i was better than her.

Mog: Naturally. Yuffie has imperfections, so thus, a Mary Sue could bend her over easily.

- "Your a fool to mess with me!" said the girl. But then she noticed her boomerang was gone. I took it from her and then threw it. She dodged it, but she got hit in the head by my sword.

Relm: So now Yuffie has a permanent splinter in her brain.  
Celes: Explains a lot.

- I walked up to the statue and took it. "Misson complete!" I said. Then we left the town.

- Back to the present

Sabin: Mary Sues don't even need a DeLorean!

- "Wait that was you?" I asked her. She than kneed me again. "YES THAT WAS ME! AND THANKS TO YOU IM A DISGRACE! she yelled. She kicked me ten times in the stomach, then she walked away. I then threw up blood, only a little, and stood up.

All: …  
Terra: Excessive much?

- Everyone looked at me, and walked to away. Aeris and Tifa tried to comfort me, yet I told them I was fine. I looked up to the sky, and said why am I a fool?

Celes (singing): Fools rush in, where decent characters fear to tread…

- Cloud POV

In the ship, Hiro sat in the corner alone deppersed. "I came at a bad time huh?" asksed CS.

Relm (as Hiro): Yeah, and now I'm pregnant!

- "No no no no, its fine." said Aeris. I looked at Yuffie who was looking at the new mateira. I asked Tifa and Aeirs to talk to Yuffie about Hiro at the next inn they go to. They said that they would. Barret, Red XIII, and I would talk to Hiro.

Sabin: Yeah, if Red XIII remembers how to talk.  
Terra: Spiders probably cobwebbed his mouth shut.

- When we reached a town called Cosmo Canyon, we talked to Red's grandfather. He told us to go rest. We got two rooms. The boys got one and the girls got one.

Mog: Animals, robots and Yuffie slept outside.

- Now was the time we talk to Hiro.

- "Hiro?" Red asked. Hiro looked up. "Yes?" Red asked Him what he did with the materia. "I don't know. Tek must have done somthing with it."

Celes: I'm thinking there's some Christopher Walken Pulp Fiction style hiding going on here.  
Sabin: Tek probably likes it.  
Relm: I don't get it.  
Terra: Good. You still have some vestige of innocence left.

- "Who in the heck is Tek?" asked Barret. "My friend who died 3 years ago." Hiro said. "Why don't you apolize to Yuffie?" I asked. Hiro just said this: "I will but she will still hate me." And left the room.

Relm: Aww, Hiro's got low self- esteem!  
Sabin: God knows why.

- Aeris POV

Celes: Say, have they explained all the random switches in POVs yet?  
Terra: It makes the fic more ARTISTIC.  
Relm: It's not truly artistic until we get "Plant POV", or "Cait Sith's Robot POV", or "Obilvon Materia POV".

- "Yuffie why do you hate Hiro?" I asked.

Mog: Aeris is a dumb whore and she doesn't pay any fucking attention to anything.

- "He stole the towns materia, MY materia." said Yuffie.Tifa looked at Yuffie. "Yuffie, give him a chance." "HECK NO!" yelled Yuffie. I heard a on the door.

Sabin: …a what?

- "Come in." i said. Cloud entered and he didn't look happy at all. "Have you seen Hiro anywhere?" Tifa shook her head, "No, was he with you?" I got worried, where is he?

Terra: Hiro's angst grew so great that he threw himself off of the ship. No one cared.

- Yuffie just laughed. "Good thing that pain in the neck is gone, i hope hes dead!" I gasped.

Celes (as Aeris): I'M the only protagonist allowed to die in this game!

- Cloud then went berserk. "YUFFIE SHUT UP!" Yuffie fell back in fear. "NO ONE GIVES THAT YOU HATE HIM! WE NEED TO FIND HIM!

Relm: …why?  
Mog: The party has grown wildly dependant on Hiro and it's scaring me a little.

- NOW YUFFIE, YOU CAN HELP OR LEAVE THE PARTY! UNDERSRTOOD"

- Yuffie shook her head. "Now come on."

- We searched everywhere, then we saw something that we will never forget

Sabin: It involved Hiro, Cait Sith and something out the Requiem for a Dream orgy scene.  
Mog: Ass To Ass!

* * *

Notes: Chapters 1- 4…complete! Please do review. 


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